A Kennedy, a Bear, and a Bicycle Walk into Central Park…
Just when you thought presidential campaigns couldn’t get any wilder, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. drops a bombshell that would make even Teddy Roosevelt raise an eyebrow. In a tale straight out of a political satire, RFK Jr. admits to staging a dead bear cub in Central Park back in 2014. Buckle up, patriots, because this story is about to take you on a rollercoaster ride through the bizarre intersection of wildlife, politics, and media frenzy.
The Bear Necessities
Robert F. Kennedy Jr., an independent presidential candidate, recently came clean about his involvement in a decade-old mystery that had New York City buzzing. In 2014, a dead bear cub was found in Central Park, sparking widespread speculation and media coverage. Now, Kennedy reveals he was behind the peculiar incident.
According to Kennedy’s own account, the bear cub was accidentally hit by a vehicle during a falconry trip in the Hudson Valley. Instead of leaving the carcass, Kennedy decided to take matters into his own hands.
“I pulled over and I picked up the bear and put him in the back of my van because I was going to skin the bear” – Robert F. Kennedy Jr.
A Bear of a Tale
Kennedy’s initial plan to skin the bear and use its meat was thwarted by time constraints. In a moment of what he calls “redneck” inspiration, Kennedy and his friends hatched a plan to stage the scene in Central Park, complete with an abandoned bicycle to make it look like a freak accident.
the true story that RFK Jr. himself just told about planting a dead bear cub in Central Park is so extremely weird
but the cherry on top is him being like “let’s see how the media distorts this!”
man, no one has to spin anything for this one lol https://t.co/LQtTvNnEsC
— Matt Binder (@MattBinder) August 5, 2024
The staged scene quickly caught the attention of park-goers and law enforcement, leading to a full-blown investigation. The New York State Department of Environmental Conservation conducted a necropsy, determining that the 6-month-old, 44-pound cub had indeed died from blunt force injuries consistent with a vehicle collision.
“The cause of death was blunt force injuries consistent with a motor vehicle collision” – New York State Department of Environmental Conservation
Media Mayhem and Family Ties
The incident sparked a media frenzy, with helicopters circling overhead and yellow tape cordoning off the area. Ironically, Kennedy’s own niece, Tatiana Schlossberg, wrote the original New York Times article about the incident without knowing her uncle’s involvement.
“Like law enforcement, I had no idea who was responsible for this when I wrote the story” – Tatiana Schlossberg
Kennedy’s recent admission comes in anticipation of a forthcoming article in The New Yorker, which he expects to be less than flattering. In a preemptive move, he posted a video on social media explaining the incident, adding a touch of self-deprecating humor to the situation.
“Looking forward to seeing how you spin this one” – Robert F. Kennedy Jr.
As this story continues to unfold, it serves as a reminder that in the world of politics, truth can indeed be stranger than fiction. Whether this bear of a tale will impact Kennedy’s presidential aspirations remains to be seen, but one thing’s for certain: it’s given us all paws for thought.
Sources
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Admits He Left a Dead Bear in Central Park
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. admits he left a dead bear in Central Park
RFK Jr. says he placed a dead bear cub in Central Park 10 years ago
RFK Jr. admits putting dead bear cub in New York City’s Central Park nearly 10 years ago
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. says he left a dead bear in Central Park as a prank
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Tweets:
Every time someone does one of these, it only serves as free marketing for the story. The New Yorker just got millions of dollars in free earned media courtesy of RFK Jr. https://t.co/nhjwLskM7a
— Ben Mullin (@BenMullin) August 4, 2024
